From The Surrey Shore . . .
The Newsletter of the Hated Rivals on the Surrey Shore Vol. 4, No. 4, October 2005
****A Scion Society for All Who Enjoy Sherlock Holmes in All His Manifestations!****
And, no, we’re not talking about a crossover between Sherlock Holmes and the Lost series on ABC TV. We’re talking about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World, which will be the featured film at our next meeting of the Hated Rivals on the Surrey Shore. This will be the rare silent version of the story, which includes stop-animation dinosaurs instead of the cheesy lizards-with-rills used in the 1960s version. And we’ll also feature several of the rare Sherlock Holmes shorts from the 1950s, starring Ronald Howard (and again, no, not Opie) as Holmes. This will be our second Sherlock Holmes/A.C. Doyle Mini-Film Fest and takes place on Sunday, November 20, from 1:30 to 4:30 p.m., at the Nora Library, at the corner of 86th Street and Guilford Avenue, on the north side of Indianapolis. Along with the movies, we’ll be serving up free snacks—popcorn, drinks, etc.—and unlike the film fest, there will be nothing “mini” about those. And it’s all free! For directions to the library, see the “Coming Meetings” section at the end of this newsletter. (You can also find the Web address of an online map to the library along with additional information about the location.) We hope very much to see you there. (And, of course, since this is a mini-film fest, feel free to bring your best Sherlockian magnifying lens . . . just in case it’s a bit too mini for you.)
The “senior” year of the Hated Rivals on the Surrey Shore is about at an end, and the holidays are nearly upon us. So what sort of mischief can we get into this time . . . Hmmmm . . .
Many Sherlockians believe that Sherlock Holmes suffered from, among other psychoses, a mild case of manic-depression. This conclusion is based on the detective’s seesaw swings from nearly total inactivity between cases to spurts of near-superhuman action while on the trail of a mystery, going for days with little to eat, little sleep, and seemingly no weariness at all. While watching an episode of the Fox TV series Prison Break, however, I learned of another psychological condition that seemed to fit Holmes to a T (or TV, as the case may be). The main character on the show was described as having a case of “low latent inhibition.” This is a condition in which the sufferer, unlike most people, notices and is totally aware of every little detail of everything that he observes. In people of lower or even average intelligence, it often results in the sufferer withdrawing from contact with most people and things. But in a person of high intelligence, it frequently results in the person becoming a creative genius. Hmmm, keen observation and creative genius . . . seems almost to be describing Sherlock Holmes himself. (In fact, perhaps Sherlockians everywhere should petition the psychological/psychiatric authorities to change the condition’s name to . . . what else? Sherlock Holmes Syndrome. Has kind of a nice ring to it, don’t you think?)
As mentioned last issue, our own Jon and Ronda Burroughs made another this year pilgrimage to the greatest city on earth (at least we Sherlockians consider it thus) . . . London. Following is Part 2 of Jon’s account of their visit . . .
The 2005 London Trip–Jon’s Viewpoint (Part 2, Abridged)
We awoke at 8 a.m., had breakfast, and were off at 9:10. I took the tube to Camden Town, intent on going to the zoo at Regent’s Park, but made a wrong turn early on and ended up on the street where Charles Dickens’ family lived for a while. It was the place where the Cratchets would live in “A Christmas Carol.” We found our way to the Regent’s Park Zoo and filmed all about. How odd! Elephants and the large hippos from my earlier slides are no longer here. The bears remained in hiding. As I watched the apes, I recalled the line from the old Forsyte Saga, where Young Jolyon tells a very young June to “Give my regards to the monkeys! Poor devils.” As I left, I saw how far I would need to walk to get to my next spot. I opted to take a taxi to Sea Shells of Lisson Grove, a fish-and-chips restaurant I saw on the Travel Channel. I ordered squid and chips. It was good, but can you believe it? They charge 20 pence for catsup! I ate at an outside table around noon.
I walked to Marylebone Station and took the tube to Tottenham Court Road Station. I walked over to the British Museum area, went into Gosh!, the comic book store, and over to Jarndice and Jarndice Booksellers, but it was closed. I headed toward Dickens House, but found myself tiring, so I sat down on a bench and rested, enjoying the area at Russell Square Park for 20 minutes. Refreshed, I went on to the Charles Dickens Museum on Doughty Street. There, I picked up back issues of The Dickensian.
It would be some time before I met Ronda, so I went to the National Portrait Gallery to sit, take in art, and enjoy that rare commodity, air conditioning! I saw every portrait in the place (while sitting down). Then, feeling much better, I went to the museum’s book store. It was here that I made the top find of the trip— A Dinner with Dickens. I got it, because it had the rare reprint of Catherine Dickens’ own book on menus, etc. What I was to discover later was that this book is the greatest detailed look at the Dickens household I have ever encountered—a very complete description, room by room, of Tavistock House, Devonshire Terrace, with info on the servants and an inventory of every utensil in the household!
I went early to Cecil Court to find a hot and tired Ronda. I took her to the National Portrait Gallery to get rest, a drink, and air conditioning. Recovered, we did the Queen’s Embankment walk that I had done the previous day, but hadn’t filmed. This time, I captured it all on film. Afterward, we went to an Indian Restaurant on Rupert Street. We returned home at 9:45 p.m. for more of the silent films and, then, bed. The heat made it difficult to get to sleep until well past midnight.
We awoke at 8:50 a.m. Still reeling from the rough night, I sat after breakfast, read, and rested. Around 11, I left for the Comic Convention at a hotel on Russell Square. I looked around at different spots. To my delight, I found a bootleg of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. I left there and took the tubes to Tower Hill Station. Today, for the first time since 1984, I was headed for the Tower of London. I filmed the area, bought a video of the Crown Jewels, and left about 2:30.
Next, I filmed the Soho area of London. Along the way, I went to the magazine shop from years past at Great Windmill Street and Brewer. I saw a Shakespeare action figure I would buy later in the trip. I walked through the park area of Leicester Square, set for the evening’s gala premiere of War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise. I met Ronda and we ate at the Poon Restaurant in Soho, which Alan and Vanessa, our hosts, had suggested. Ronda had duck breast in a special sauce and rice. I had fried oysters and rice.
We came back to the premiere area to soak up the atmosphere. Cruise had not arrived yet. Ronda called her mother at a phone booth in the midst of the madness. From there, we went to a Boots and on to Covent Garden. Tired, we stopped at Pret Manger, where I had an “Orange Still.” Ronda had a Coke and carrot cake ice cream. We came back to Alan and Vanessa’s at 7:50. Alan showed me the Dr. Who Special and the final episode of the season with the Daleks, which he had taped for me. Again, a hot and rough night to sleep.
We got up at 8. I took the tube to Kensal Green and after much searching found the Mary Hogarth grave. I returned to Leicester Square to cash more travelers checks. I bought three Dr. Who books at Forbidden Plane (the sci-fi bookstore) and went to Fitzroy Street to purchase six plays from Samuel French. From there, I went to Jarndice and Jarndice to find nothing that drew my interest. My lunch was a hot dog in front of the British Museum. I went into the museum and did some filming. Afterward, I walked down New Oxford Street and got new tape for the camcorder. I returned to The Magazine Shop, where I bought the Shakespeare action figures.
I did some filming at Piccadilly Circus and then met Ronda at Cecil Court. I came home, bathed, and rested prior to going out for the evening Dressed up, we all walked to Chez Bruce, where I ate crab-and-scallop-stuffed courgette flower with sauce vierge and samphire; persillade of halibut with braised chicken tortelloni, charcroute and beurre rouge; and hot chocolate pudding with praline parfait. After such a bounty, we walked back home and went to bed! At last—a good night’s sleep! Whoopee!
Day 8: “The We Will Rock You Day”
We arose at 7 and had breakfast. I rested and read the paper in the study. I was on my way at 8:40. I got a seat on the tubes. Good start. I arrived at the bank and cashed in more travelers checks. I walked down Oxford Street to Oxford Circus and went through Hamleys, but didn’t buy anything. That’s a first! I walked back to Tottenham Court Road and got tickets for “We Will Rock You!” I went to the Leicester Square tube station and bought my student, Sarah Baker, a Baker Street tube sign. I walked around Charing Cross Station, down St. James Park, and, after so many other trips to London, actually saw and filmed the changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace. After a stop at the post office for post card stamps, I filmed Trafalgar Square and took the tube to Cannon Street Station to finally eat at Tiffinbites, the fast-food Indian place I had seen on the Travel Channel. I had the three-part Rogan Josh meal.
I tried to find Ronda’s textile museum, which I had seen on the Internet, but could not locate it. Next, I was off to Russell Square Station where, at a small shop, I bought 100 post cards at 5 pence apiece to give out to students in December when I talk on our London Trip. Next, I sought out the BMJ Bookstore on medicine to see if they had old diabetes books for Ronda. Unfortunately, it had moved to Manchester. Then, I went to the Old Curiosity Shop on Portsmouth Street to film. From there, I went to Harrods to get presents to take home and walked around again in air-conditioned comfort. Next, I went to Dress Circle, the music shop, for musical theatre CDs. From there, I met Ronda at Cecil Court. We ate at Pret a Manger. (I had a roast beef sandwich, mushroom soup, and cake). We walked down Charing Cross with a stop at Borders. Finally, it was on to “We Will Rock You!” Ronda had the time of her life. She felt 21 again! We returned home at 11:12 that night!
We awoke at 8. I went off to film around Parliament and Westminster and took a walk to the Abbey. I went to Baker Street Station to get another present, but the store wasn’t open. I walked down Oxford Street and got two T-shirts. I went through Virgin Mega Store and on to the Theatre to pick up the large program we didn’t get the past night. I went to get small teas at Museum Street shop, and I got three comics at Gosh! I filmed around Covent Garden. Next was a visit back to Dress Circle for a “We Will Rock You!” mouse pad for Ronda. Lunch was sweet-and-sour squid and rice at Poons. Then, I picked up the small Mary Poppins program. I returned to Elvisly Yours on Baker Street to get the present I’d missed earlier. The heat and squid, however, were disagreeing with me. Hot and tired, I called it quits and came back early for rest and recovery.
Ronda came back a few hours later, and we and our hosts went to the Wimbledon Art and Fashion Show. On returning, we ate supper— a chicken stew with beans and carrots, followed by a fruit dessert. We then went up for the final packing and bed.
Day 10: “The Long Journey Back”
We awoke at 6:15 and started getting ready. We had breakfast and then left for airport. Traffic was horrible, and it took us two hours and 15 minutes to get to Heathrow. We checked in, had sandwiches, and boarded at Gate 17. The plane took off, and over the course of the flight, I watched Robots, Kim Possible, Bridget Jones 2 and the X-Men films (but no Holmes, sadly). Meals onboard were utterly forgettable. I slept some and read the rest of my Dickens book. We arrived at O’Hare at 3:23. We found the luggage, went through customs, got the bus to Hertz, and were on our way a few minutes before five.
Traffic, however, was monstrous. It took us well over two hours to get to the Fairfield Inn in Hammond, Indiana. Ronda was car sick and exhausted. She flopped into bed, while I had a chicken sandwich and potato from Wendy’s. (Not quite English fare, there.) Finally, I, too, went to bed.
Day 11: “Journey’s End”
We got up at 5:16 a.m. and got ready for the final leg home. We had breakfast at Cracker Barrel, with real live eggs and bacon! (We’d had porridge for breakfast, the rest of the trip, remember!) Ronda drove most of the way. We finally arrived home at 9:30. And that was the 2005 London Trip!
Thus ends Jon and Ronda’s British odyssey. And on that fishy (and chips) note, I remain, till next issue, ever yours . . .
—C. Barker, Esq.
Despite gas prices soaring into the $3 dollar range, a stalwart group of Hated Rivals made our way down to Ellettsville, in southern Indiana, for a Sherlockian Pitch-in at our September meeting. Along with most of the Rivals (ir)regulars, we greeted a number of new faces who joined up for our bountiful repast and great Sherlockian fellowship. The dining room at the White Elephant was set up and ready to go, and the kitchen nearly overflowed with goodies, with our gracious hosts, Chris and Terri, overseeing the feast. After we stuffed ourselves to the point of popping, during which we engaged in numerous conversations of Sherlockian, Victorian, and scion import, we settled down to take in a short paper by our own Barker (Bill Barton) on yet another rival of Sherlock Holmes, one Solar Pons. (Pons, for those of you not in the know, was the creation of American August Derleth, who wished to see more Sherlock Holmes stories. Since no more were forthcoming from Doyle, he decided to write them himself, creating his own detective, Pons, in place of Holmes, to avoid copyright problems, etc. His “Watson” was Dr. Lyndon Parker, who’d spent time in America, thus explaining any Americanisms in the stories, and the two lived on Praed Street in London during the early part of the 20th century. Pons even had his own Praed Street Irregulars, and many of the stories were based on some of Watson’s untold tales.) After the formal meeting ended, more Sherlockian fellowship and conversation, as well as tours of parts of the White Elephant, rounded out the day. We hit the road for the long haul back to Indy (except, of course, for those who lived locally), another successful meeting of the Hated Rivals on the Surrey Shore under our (expanded) belts.
(As you read earlier, two of our members visited London this year. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a time machine to visit Victorian London, so following is part 2 of a brief overview of that fair city during the era of Sherlock Holmes, this time concentrating on the East End and its poorer inhabitants.)
As high as life could be in London’s West End, it sank to often tragic depths in the slums of the East End. Mortality rates in the East End were, in fact, twice as high as in the West End, and life expectancies were correspondingly lower. The poor and working classes seemed to have little to celebrate throughout most of the period — although, in real terms, the average working man was about 10 percent better off by 1871 than he had been in 1851. So while the lot of the poor was generally what we’d today consider miserable, some minor improvements did occur, especially during the last half of the century. Still, by century’s end, 40 percent of London’s working class remained below the poverty level.
One could purchase just about anything from street vendors in London. In the simplest cases, street vendors were barely a step above beggars—for example, the match girls who sold matches for far more than their value just to earn a few pennies on which to survive. At the top of the rung of Victorian streetsellers, however, were the costermongers.
The term costermonger comes from costardmonger, which in turn derives from costard, a type of large apple frequently sold in street stalls. These street vendors sold every type of produce, from vegetables to chestnuts to game birds, hawking their wares from either fixed booths or mobile carts. Prices asked by the costermongers were generally quite reasonable. (Although street shoppers needed to remain wary, as the labyrinths of costermonger stalls and carts often became favorite haunts for pickpockets and cutpurses, who weren’t nearly so accommodating as the costers.) Although ubiquitous across most of the city in early and mid-Victorian London, costermongers weren’t quite as widespread by the last decades of the century. Many still plied their trade in the New Cut, a South London thoroughfare in Lambeth; near Westminster Road, where the poorest classes still set up street stalls on Saturday nights and Sunday mornings; and throughout the East End.
A list of the foods available on the streets of London gives insight not only to the variety of items that one could purchase, but also the diet of the times: Fried fish, hot eels, pickled whelks, sheep's trotters, ham sandwiches, pea-soup, hot green peas, penny pies, plum duff, meat puddings, hot apples, baked potatoes, spice cakes, muffins, hot buns, brandy ball, sweet meats, cat and dog meat, and cough drops all were for sale from the carts of various vendors. Beverages for sale included tea, coffee, ginger beer, lemonade, hot wine, fresh milk, donkey milk, curds and whey, and water.
Now contrast that with the sort of meals Jon relates eating in his London trip article, and you can get even a better idea of the lot of life of the poor of Victorian London.
I Hear of Sherlock Everywhere!
Herein is news of all the Sherlockian and Victorian items spotted, heard about, or related to us by others. Make sure that, if you see something that would fit in this column, you send the information to us.
On Sunday, October 23, Masterpiece Theatre on PBS (Channel 20 locally) ran “Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking,” an original Holmes story, starring Rupert Everett as Holmes and Ian Hart as Watson. See below for our review of the approximately hour-and-a-half drama.
Also on October 23, the Indianapolis Star ran a New York Times News Service article about the character Encyclopedia Brown, boy detective, the star of many mystery books for boys and whose comic strip once appeared in the Star many years ago. As the article notes, some have referred to the 10-year-old protagonist as “Sherlock Holmes in sneakers,” based on the character’s use of deductive reasoning and careful observation.
This past summer, according to The Press Office of its Web site (courtesy of Ronda Burroughs), the BBC ran a TV drama entitled The Strange Case of Sherlock Holmes & Arthur Conan Doyle. Douglas Henshall played a 33-year-old Doyle, during the period where he decided to kill off Sherlock Holmes at the Reichenbach Falls. During the same period, Doyle’s father died, his wife was diagnosed with consumption (TB to modern readers), and he fell in love with Jean Leckie (although remaining faithful to his wife). It was a dark and turbulent period in Doyle’s life that the drama explored, one that may not be as well known to some Sherlockians as other aspects of his career. No word on when—or if—the show will be appearing in the U.S. (If we hear something, we’ll let you know.
Sherlockians who are also fans of the original ’70s TV series, Kolchak: The Night Stalker (all four of us) may want to pick up a copy of Kolchak: The Night Stalker Chronicles (Moonstone Books, 2005; $18.95), an anthology of short stories about the occult reporter—several by authors who’ve written Holmes pastiches, graphic novels, and even liner notes for Holmes DVD collections. As a result the book has more than one Sherlockian reference. For example, in one story, in comparing serial killers to evil geniuses, Carl Kolchak remarks that the one in the story is “no Moriarty.” In another, co-featuring the vampire from the Dark Shadows series, Barnabas Collins, Kolchak notes his wearing an Inverness cape, like that of Sherlock Holmes. If you had any interest in the old Kolchak series (as opposed to the new, less colorful one currently on ABC TV), you should enjoy the many stories in this volume—especially the Sherlockian references. Moonstone also publishes a couple collections of Sherlock Holmes graphic stories. You can check them out on the Web at www.moonstonebooks.com.
Due out around the end of the year is a trade paperback entitled The League of Heroes, written by Xavier Maumjean. It takes place in London, 1902, and features Queen Victoria’s League of Heroes (a takeoff, perhaps of Allan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, although with different Victorian and Edwardian literary characters). Among them are, of course, Sherlock Holmes, fighting side by side with Lord Greystoke (Tarzan to the uninitiated) and others to defeat an incursion into our dimension by “Peter Pan, Master of Neverland,” following a disastrous aetheric experiment by Professor Cavor (of H.G. Wells’ First Men in the Moon). The volume is 256 pages, sells for $20.95, and will probably be available at most online outlets, such as Amazon.com, and for order from most bookstores. Probably not for the purists among us, but sounds like fun for those who enjoy crossovers between various fictional characters of the Victorian/Edwardian period. (It undoubtedly takes place in an “alternate” history, since Queen Victoria, as we all know, passed away in 1901.)
Due out in December are a couple games with Victorian themes: Fury of Dracula Board Game and Etherscope. The former is an updated version of a board game published a while back by Games Workshop, set in 1898 and serving as a sequel to Bram Stoker’s original novel. It’s for 2-5 players and retails for $49.95. The latter is a hardcover role-playing game set in “a Victorian-themed world with a rich cyberpunk overtone.” (If it’s Victorian, the actual genre is usually referred to as “steampunk,” but this may be a more technologically advanced Victorian world.) It retails for $39.99.
H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds still seems to be generating lots of interest, especially with the DVD of the Tom Cruise/Stephen Spielberg movie due out in December. Two graphic novels of the story are set for release in the coming months as well. The first is The War of the Worlds: Best Sellers Illustrated Graphic Novel, by Stephen Stern & Arne Starr (Best Sellers Illustrated; $13.99). It appears to be based on the recent movie—or at least is an update of the original story, taking place in 2005—and is due out later this year. The other is H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds, adapted and abridged by Ian Edginton, with art by D’Israeli (who seems to be one of those who goes by only one name). This 72-page hardcover graphic novel is based on Wells’ original story and is due out in late March from Dark Horse, selling for $14.95. (According to advanced information, the same writer and artist were the creators behind Scarlett Traces, a graphic sequel to Well’s novel, and will be creating a sequel to that, Scarlet Traces: The Great Game, which appears to be an ongoing graphic series.) Both graphic novels should be available from all specialty comic book stores, online outlets, and most bookstores.
And while we’re on the subject of War of the Worlds (last bit on it for a while—we promise!), the original Gene Barry movie version from the 1950s is now out on DVD, as is the first season of the War of the Worlds syndicated TV series. Neither are Victorian, but they’re fun nevertheless if you’re a Wells fan.
Review: Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking
I tuned into Masterpiece Theatre’s “Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking” with mixed measures of anticipation and trepidation. After all, it was Masterpiece Theatre, known for its quality British imports. On the other hand, it was yet another chance for the best intentions in creating a new story about Sherlock Holmes to go terribly wrong, as we’ve seen too many times on the small screen.
Thankfully, while not as good as some of the highest quality Holmes materials to come from the detective’s homeland, it was far from dreadful. It had its moments, of course, which I’ll describe in shortly for those who missed it. But I came away sorry that, for once, I failed to tape it for future reference. The story, although not up to the best of Doyle’s material, was much better than many such attempts. (I deduced the solution to the mystery before Holmes actually named it on-screen, although the detective did note that he’d suspected the truth for some time, but was waiting to gather further evidence before finally voicing his theory.) It involved several murders of high-society young women, who were found dressed in the clothing of the killer’s previous victim each time—and had a silk stocking stuffed down their throats (hence the name of the case.)
Rupert Everett did a passable job as Holmes—far better than some that come to mind have handled the role (Edward Woodward and Roger Moore are two of these). But he failed to rise to the level of a Jeremy Brett or Ian Richardson in the part. He seemed far too languid in disposition and morose in his countenance. Even in solving the case and saving the last potential victim, he seemed to take no joy in the pursuit of his vocation, as Holmes did so often upon the successful conclusion of a puzzle. Ian Hart, on the other hand, was superb as Watson—one of the better screen portrayals for my money. The only thing that seemed totally uncharacteristic of the good doctor was his choice of a second wife. Helen McCrory, as Mrs. Vandeleur, Watson’s fiancé, was far too brash and forward for a woman that Dr. Watson would be attracted to, given his earlier marriage to Mary Morstan. I simply can’t see Watson being even remotely attracted to her, much less asking for her hand (which was too often wrapped around a cigarette or a book on sexual perversions) in marriage. It was the one truly jarring note about the story. (Well, there was one other, where Lestrade gave a beating to a suspect in jail to entice him to reveal the location where the real killer took his latest victim. I know such things happened during the period—and Lestrade probably would have engaged in them were he a real CID officer, but it just didn’t seem to fit the Lestrade of the Canon.)
All in all, I don’t feel that I wasted my time watching the movie, and derived sufficient enjoyment from it that I can recommend it to all Sherlockians should it appear again on TV. (I don’t know that I’d be tempted to purchase it, however, although a video version was mentioned at the end.)
Following are the details of our upcoming meeting, plus the dates and tentative information about our other meetings in 2005. (Check out our Web site for updates.) So please do set these dates aside to join the Hated Rivals at the following soirées:
A Sherlock Holmes/Arthur Conan Doyle Mini-Film Fest!
(Starring Sherlock Holmes & Professor Challenger [of The Lost World])
Sunday, November 20, 2005, from 1:30-4:30 p.m.
At the Nora Library
8625 Guilford Avenue, Indianapolis, Indiana 46240
Directions and Details: Take I-465 on the north side of Indianapolis to the Meridian Street exit (U.S. 31). Turn south onto Meridian Street (a right turn if you’re coming from the west and a left turn if from the east). Drive south to 86th Street and turn left. The library is just a few blocks on your left, at the corner of 86th Street and Guilford Avenue. (For a map, go to www.imcpl.org/about/locations/nora.html and click the View Map link.) The program will include rare videos of a Sherlock Holmes series from the ’50s, plus the original, silent film version of Doyle’s The Lost World. Free snacks will be served. In fact, the entire program is free, so we hope to see you there!
And don’t forget to mark your calendar for the first of next year’s great meetings . . .
Sunday, January 8 [Tentative]: Our Annual Victorian Tea & Sherlock Holmes Birthday Party
(Note: Dates and programs are tentative and subject to change as circumstances
change—but we’ll try to stick to these as much as possible!)
For more information, contact us at P.O. Box 26290, Indianapolis, IN 46226-0290; or send us an e-mail at email@example.com (And don’t forget to venture online to check out our Hated Rivals Web site at http://surrey-shore.freeservers.com, for recent updates.) See you again in two months, back on the ol’ Surrey Shore, where the game’s always afoot! (But you already knew that—didn’t you?)