A Three-Pipe Problem

Lyrics © 2002, by William A. Barton

(To the Tune of “Little Brown Jug”)

(Duo version: W = Watson; H = Holmes; B = Both)


          G     G                            C

   W: Well, I share rooms with Sherlock Holmes,

        D                   G

   A flat in Baker Street:

           G                  C

   H: 2-2-1-B, that famed address—

          D                    G

   It’s comfy and discreet!


                      G                               C

   W: Holmes battles crimes, solves mysteries,

                  D                  G

   Those in peril come to him.

           G                            C

   H: I solve the case, be it quite mundane

            D                           G

   Or a Three-Pipe Prob-e-lem!


                       G                                     C

B:        It’s a Three-Pipe Problem, (H:) yes, I see—

                   D            G

H:        It’s all so element-a-ry . . .

                 G                                  C

W:       To Sherlock Holmes, but not to me.

                        D                         G

H:        That’s John H. Watson, M.D.

                                (Guitar Riff)

                        G                            C

   W: Whether Speckled Band or Yellow Face,

           D                             G

   You know that Holmes is on the case.

               G                                C

   H: No Baskerville Hound can get me down—

                D                      G

   ‘Gainst Silver Blaze, I’d win the race!


                     G                   C

   H: No, not Moriarty nor Colonel Moran

           D                   G

   Can get the best of me!

                      G                                      C

   W: Holmes always prevails, though the villain rails

               D                         G

   At his Three-Pipe Prob-e-lem!


                    G                               C

H:        So a Three-Pipe Problem, you should see,

                D           G

            Is all so element-a-ry . . .

                  G                               C

W:       To Sherlock Holmes, but not to me . . .

                   D                       G

            I’m John H. Watson, M.D.

                                (Guitar Riff)

                    G                         C

   W: Well, I tend to see, but I don’t observe,

         D                         G

   Or so Holmes says to me.

                      G                                  C

   H: But he’s always faithful, he’s the perfect foil

                            D                        G

   W: To the best sleuth there’ll ever be!


                              G                   C

   W: I’m Holmes’ chronicler, his confident,

                    D                         G

   H: He’s a friend to the bitter end.

               G                                          C

   W: I record his adventures, whether short and sweet,

                D                           G

   B: Or a Three-Pipe Prob-e-lem!


                        G                                           C

B:        Yes, a Three-Pipe Problem, (W:) by Jove—I see!

                   D           G

H:        It’s really element-a-ry . . .!

                  G                                            C (and pause)

W:       To Sherlock Holmes . . .(sigh) but still not to me . . .


H:        (Spoken: But that’s quite all right, my dear fellow!)

                                                                                    D                       G

W:       (Spoken: Yes, Holmes, it is, because . . .) I’m John H. Watson, M.D.!

(Closing Guitar Riff . . . and out)


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